Emotional Roller Coaster in my Head {How I am handling dropping from the North Face 50 Miler}

How I am handling dropping from the North Face 50 Miler.... good question!

If you watched our VLOG we posted yesterday on our YouTube channel you would have seen that we are signed up for the North Face 50 Mile Endurance Challenge November 18th in San Fransisco.. you would also have learned that I am not going to be racing it, but Gwen is!

So I wanted to make this post to fill in the gaps between what I wanted that video to be, and what got cut out in the editing process.

I tend to go on and on when I film and explaining my thoughts about not racing got really long and boring for a video, so i cut it out to make it more of a fun video..

So here is what is going on in my head.

I was really having a hard time with the idea that I would not run it, or I guess I should say not being ready or fully recovered for it.

After my 100 miler I was struggling so much with knee pain, no running and sadness.. it was really hard to keep my mind out of the gutter as I thought about how I only had 5 weeks to get ready to compete at TNF50…

I don't think it was my pain/injury that was the issue, I think what was really the mental expectations I had set for myself about how this race SHOULD go… SHOULD.. what a word, a word that I try to remove from my vocabulary, thoughts and life.

Ever since I found out about TNF50, the course, the competition and the spirit of the race, I knew this was a race I wanted to do.. a race I could use to prove to myself and the world what I was capable of.. and hopefully to prove that I can be and am a competitive runner…

plant positive running katie in France.jpg

I dream big, and I wanted to show up to this race in perfect condition, and compete for the win… I wanted to train hard for it, and to really be ready..

I was hoping this year would be that year.. after spending all summer building my fitness, completing my first 100, and recovering for a month after, I figured it would be perfect timing to make my appearance at TNF50..

WRONG..

Life happened, and none of this happened as I imagined it. 

That is ok, but was is not is that I did not change my expectations to meet reality.

I was still living in some dream reality where I allowed my mind to think that I could still pull all this off… I was in denial that this would NOT be my year at TNF50.

This inconsistency of mindset abruptly meeting my current state of physical condition created a very stormy and rough experience emotionally. I was suffering emotionally because was not surrendering to reality… the reality that I am not at my best and will not be in time.

This went on for weeks and probably worsened my recovery…


Finally I think Gwen said something to me that made it all click.. I am not sure what he said but I think it was something like “even if your knee pain goes away completely today, you will not have enough time to train properly for the TNF50 to be at your best, your not going to be able to realistically do what you wanted to and compete with those top ladies, it is not enough time.. so you might as well just give it up this year and try again next year.”

I dont know why it took me hearing him say this to me, because in my mind I knew this..

it was not enough time (even if I could train hard today) to get in those quality speed work sessions that I needed to take my fitness to the next level..

He was right, and right then I felt a HUGE WEIGHT lift off my shoulders..

I felt better, lighter, relieved..

It is funny how that all happens.. I think it was all about expectations and bringing them into situations when you should drop them at the door.

I should have let this one go a long time ago, and maybe this would have turned out differently and maybe I would be able to at least run it and just have fun.. maybe that would have been amazing..But I allowed my previous expectations to get in my way.

Lesson learned.. at least I hope so..

I will try my best to learn from this experience and leave expectations behind when necessary.. however I do strongly believe that the ability to set sky high dreams, goals and expectations is what makes great people great.. but knowing when to leave them behind probably plays an equal role in that equation..

who knows…

Oh and our routine around “intermittent fasting” is going well.. we have been eating dinner earlier, aiming for like 5:45-6 so we can be done eating by 6:30, and I do have to say that it is nice going to bed not feeling full.. I like this!!! And of course we are used to not eating breakfast until after our morning run so thats usual, high energy in the morning and feeling great!

If you didn’t catch my last post about fasting, check that out!

Until next time you guys,

Eat some dang whole-plant foods, try to avoid that processed crap and grab a piece of fruit, some raw nuts and seeds, or some canned beans - go on a run outside and get some good sleep!

Love you guys and I hope we get to see you and meet you in San Fran! Email us to meet up!

-Katie

 Green smoothies have been our go-to-breakfast these days, over a big bowl of Steel Cut Oatmeal!!! :) Download our free-smoothie E-book for our favorite smoothies, or check them all out in our Cookbook!

Green smoothies have been our go-to-breakfast these days, over a big bowl of Steel Cut Oatmeal!!! :) Download our free-smoothie E-book for our favorite smoothies, or check them all out in our Cookbook!

 Sometimes we switch it up and make our delicious Chocolate Oatmeal with Nuttzo and Zucchini! To get the recipe, click on the photo.

Sometimes we switch it up and make our delicious Chocolate Oatmeal with Nuttzo and Zucchini! To get the recipe, click on the photo.


So I know that I am always talking about me, and never really mentioning much about Gwen.. But I wanted to make sure you all know that Gwen is a total badass and if you have not seen his first 100 miler video (actually 111 mile ultra) you should definitely check it out!